It’s been a year now since my last boyfriend told me he cheated on me the night marriage equality became legal with someone from his church. A year of exploring, growing, and lots of dates with some interesting people.
Chapter 1: The Hurt
We know this feeling all too well when someone we trusted broke our trust.
Now, from that moment to a few months after the breakup I had no intention of dating anyone, but more of an intention to have fun and focus on enjoying a summer show I was working on, starting my company, starting my new life as an apprentice, and healing…
Part of me didn’t want to heal and let go. Part of me wanted to bottle up that rage and just be pissed for as long as I could be. Hold anger against someone who I thought was amazing for me.
But, wisdom (from a mom and friends) prevailed and I knew I had to let go… So, I did. I let go of anger. I let go of feeling rage. I let in relief and freedom.
I was ready to move on and enter back into the world of dating.
Chapter 2: Is This a Date or A Hookup?
Dating is tough… I really hate the whole scene of getting to know someone new and figure out if this is the person you want to risk a life with and give your all.
Personally, I would rather date someone I’ve already known for a while and just add a sexual component to things. But, that is not usually how the dating world works because then things get blurry at times on whether this is going to be a thing or just a friends with benefits scenario.
Over the past nine months, very few guys have actually asked me out on a date. Most have been a “Hey, wanna watch a movie”, “We should hang out”, “Hey! Let’s grab coffee soon”. These are all good lines for a first meeting/introduction, but then when this continues for a couple of weeks you’d think someone would actually drop the date word. Nope.
Now, I’ve been playing into this as well and it took me a good couple of months to realize I also wasn’t asking people out on a date and if I wanted to date someone I should just ask the damn person on a legit date. Plan an evening of adventure. But, actually, make a plan on where I wanted to take said date.
First impressions are everything after all.
Chapter 3: The Label
So, in my year of dating people, but never getting into a relationship with any of them, I garnished a label that I had heard of before, but never thought I would ever find myself dealing with.
Flavor of the Month…
I had now earned the title of someone who bounced from guy to guy from month to month. A derogatory term stating I can never keep a guy and my attention span was only so long.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that what dating is about? Going out with people? Trying to find that one person you want to try a life with? It’s a search for sure… sometimes you even think you find that person until they show a side you are just not comfortable with.
From those of us who have a “flavor of the month” just remember we are just trying our best to find love and we are at least giving it a chance to find us.
Chapter 4: Resolution
I don’t think I’m any better at dating than I was a year ago…
But, I do know that I am a better person or I at least try to be a better person than I was a year ago.
I’ll keep on my search for finding the perfect guy for me (note, not the perfect guy). Go on some shitty dates. Go on some really great dates! But… who knows when that right person is going to show up.
All in all, I’ve learned to focus on improving myself. The rest will fall into place at the right time.
You don't need someone in your life to make you complete, but it is nice to have a companion to go on adventures with.